everything tht u wish for will not come through...
everything tht u hoped for is just a waste of ur thoughts...
everything tht u think is gonna happen will never happen...

ever had feelings like dat??
i am sure u have...maybe u readers wont understand...but i am really stressed rite now....
i know i havent been the best son...not the best fren...and certainly not the best boyfriend...i have let many people down with my actions and my behaviour...tonite is the nite i change...somethin happened to me today tht gave me a tight slap on my face...made me realize wtf i was doing....i thought i could get away with wat i did...but hey...if ur destiny is to get caught, u will get caught...i guess most of u know wat happened to me...i mean, from last year...i have changed alot...i dont know wat the hell i was tryin to prove by doing wat i did...i knew it was wrong but i couldnt help it....i pissed off many people around me and disappointed them...i knew i had to change....maybe its a sign from god to tell me tht he loves me and if i wont change for myself, he would force me to change....no matter wat, i vow to start a new, and i really mean it this time...i am aware tht the people who are close to me would probably think tht i am lying, but i am not...i realized wat kinda person i am, and realized wat i've done wrong...i am sory to my parents, my girl and my frens....i know they would probably never trust me no more...but i will make it to them, i will make it up to myself to change for the better and change myself.....no more gangs...no more everything...i wanna be a gd son, i wanna be a gd fren, but most of all...i wanna be a gd guy for my girl...i have tried...but i dont think i am half the person she deserves...i am truly sory for her for getting a guy like me....i wanna be a gd example to people out there and show them who i realy am....just a normal guy....

people might think differently...but really...i am just a normal guy...not a gangster...not a hooligan...i wanted to make a name for myself...and get respect...but now i realised...wat kinda respect is tht....people wont respect u for the number of sticks you smoke per day....they wont respect u for the number of people u have beaten up...people wont respect you if u have killed someone....people wont respect u if ur lying to urself and betraying urself.....thts wat i've learnt...
but i am pissed at myself for only realising my mistakes now....i wanna change, i have to change, i will change....i love my family, my frens....my girl.....they mean the world to me....if i lost their trust....i've lost my dignity....i got no one else but them...i would rather lose everything rather than lose them....and so...i will become a better guy...for everyone...i will become better for myself...

it was a fuckin saturday mornin, i was sleepin and dreamin of my girl when suddenly my phone rang.....heres the conversation...

me: hello

stupid idiot( not his real name): hello boy...

me: wussup??(still half asleep)

stupid idiot: boleh turon vista point kejap??

me: buat ape??

stupid idiot: tlg aku ah...ni antare hidop ngan mati....

me: ah asal plak??( gettin worried)

stupid idiot: tlg ah...dtg je ah...cepat...

me: ah okok....

i went and took a lightning bath and headed down to meet my stupid idiot friend at vista point, across my house...i went there and met him....heres the conversation...

me: eh asal ko suroh aku turon??

stupid idiot: (smirk)

me: eh aku jitak kepale ko!!

stupid idiot: takde papelah, cumer nak lepak ngan ko je...hehe..

i was like wat the fuck??!! so damn angry sia, he dragged me outta bed to meet him, saying tht there was an emergency, when he just wanted to see me...damn it...

then after tht i went home and went out again, this time to causeway point with azri, syafiq and ismail...we walked around alot....went to the video store where we rented a dvd...now i have to give it back...fuckers!! Aniways....we went back to my place and watched the movie and just hanged out together...hairi and kamarul came to my place too...then we went downstairs to play football....i didnt play coz my hip still hurts..hehe...shhhh azri!! anyways....some of the bitches ride my bike and guess wat, my front tire blew out...now i got to change it...gee thnks guys....
i miss my girl so much by the way....i mean, havent talked to her the whole day....oh man, shes at her grandma's new place...its real nice yo....wohooo...i guess it will only make her happier if her grandma was stayin nearer to her....

ok lah...wanna rest and study( rite.....)......ok tata yo and mah,i love u....

hmm well...common test is here and to tell u the truth, i am fucked up rite now...i got alot of problems in my freakin head...my studies...my life at home...and the police...fuck em all....hmm...i fractured my pelvic bone durin soccer practice...fuckin hurts like crazie, it takes me 5 minutes to get up from bed and my pain killers are runnin out...fuck the pills...

started silat trainin recently and damn...tht shit hurts too...but anythin to watch my girl practicing dikir rite...u think i bother to join silat?? i dont think so...so far studies have been shit...got alot of troubles at home and in school...

got a big problem on my hands with the police...dont ask why...but shit...i need money...lots of it....
i aint askin no one to help me...i will try to solve my problems on my own....from now on, i will take responsibility for my own problems...if i couldnt take it no more, maybe i will ask for help...but untill i can do it myself, i will...

rite now, i have been sleeping in class more often...damn, in physics and bio, i have been sleeping non stop...and how i will do this common test, i dont know....i am just hopin for the best.....

and one more thing, i am missin my baby even more nowadays, i dono why.....i love her so much u know...and i hate it when shes angry at me coz she looks damn fine...just wanna say sori to her for watever i did ...

have u ever experience a kind of situation when everythin was goin so gd and then suddenly, problem after problem bombards ur life....well thts wat i am goin through...everythin was fine untill a problem came and was followed by another problem...i guess i should learn time management between my family, frens, and most of all my girl....

its hard manage ur teenagehood....with so many distractions ...sometimes in life, the best way to learn is through experience...i have learned plenty..

hey yall!!! haha!! omg!! its been a long time since i updated my blog...haha!! anyways, while i was lazy to blog, life was as usual i guess...school was ok, well, i dont get anythin out of physics lessons...but maths is gettin more and more interesting i guess....

hmm...wat else eh....somethin has been buggin me, my right hip has been aching for 2 weeks or so...i cannot sleep or even wear my socks without experiencing pain...even when i sneeze or cough, it hurts, oh well haha...this friday i will start my silat practices...for deeparaya celebrations in school, i cant wait for tht one...its gonna be fun..haha!

i have been realy bz lately....with my family and friends...and not to forget my studies....everythin in life is goin great it seems, its only tht i miss my girl so much, its hard to spend time together...with cca's and other activities...we see each other, just not spend time together...it sounds cheezy but i miss her alot man...i know i know...ppl will say tht i just saw her in school, but hey....i cant help the way i feel...if u love someone, its hard to live ur life without thinkin about her...

haha ok before i start to get emotional,i better end here.... haha tata!!