everything tht u wish for will not come through...
everything tht u hoped for is just a waste of ur thoughts...
everything tht u think is gonna happen will never happen...

ever had feelings like dat??
i am sure u have...maybe u readers wont understand...but i am really stressed rite now....
i know i havent been the best son...not the best fren...and certainly not the best boyfriend...i have let many people down with my actions and my behaviour...tonite is the nite i change...somethin happened to me today tht gave me a tight slap on my face...made me realize wtf i was doing....i thought i could get away with wat i did...but hey...if ur destiny is to get caught, u will get caught...i guess most of u know wat happened to me...i mean, from last year...i have changed alot...i dont know wat the hell i was tryin to prove by doing wat i did...i knew it was wrong but i couldnt help it....i pissed off many people around me and disappointed them...i knew i had to change....maybe its a sign from god to tell me tht he loves me and if i wont change for myself, he would force me to change....no matter wat, i vow to start a new, and i really mean it this time...i am aware tht the people who are close to me would probably think tht i am lying, but i am not...i realized wat kinda person i am, and realized wat i've done wrong...i am sory to my parents, my girl and my frens....i know they would probably never trust me no more...but i will make it to them, i will make it up to myself to change for the better and change myself.....no more gangs...no more everything...i wanna be a gd son, i wanna be a gd fren, but most of all...i wanna be a gd guy for my girl...i have tried...but i dont think i am half the person she deserves...i am truly sory for her for getting a guy like me....i wanna be a gd example to people out there and show them who i realy am....just a normal guy....

people might think differently...but really...i am just a normal guy...not a gangster...not a hooligan...i wanted to make a name for myself...and get respect...but now i realised...wat kinda respect is tht....people wont respect u for the number of sticks you smoke per day....they wont respect u for the number of people u have beaten up...people wont respect you if u have killed someone....people wont respect u if ur lying to urself and betraying urself.....thts wat i've learnt...
but i am pissed at myself for only realising my mistakes now....i wanna change, i have to change, i will change....i love my family, my frens....my girl.....they mean the world to me....if i lost their trust....i've lost my dignity....i got no one else but them...i would rather lose everything rather than lose them....and so...i will become a better guy...for everyone...i will become better for myself...