it seems as though i am dreaming, a nightmare, scared, regret, speechless, have i lost the only person i lived for....
i was taken by surprise, she stole my heart, my life....
leavin me with memories of her eyes, her smile, her hands holding mine,
i got no more tears to shed,
i captured every moment of us together, to be cherished in my heart,
i just could not accept the fact that i have lost her....
i see her face everytime i close my eyes,
i need her to push me to live,
without her, i got nothing...
i miss the sound of her voice,
her saying i love you to my ears,
its over, so is my life,
hope she will find happiness without me,
she's my everything, now that she's gone,
i got nothing...
nabilah binte abdul jalil, i love u...

its been ages since i updated my blog...well....been kind of lazy and bz too...so many things happenin...just ended my job as a waiter at downtowneast banquet....in total, i got about 1000 plus dollars...but 3/4 of it i gave to my mom to help her out abit u know....with the money tht is left, i managed to buy a new phone...its notin fancy lah but alhamdullilah....on on monday, went out with badron and azri to central(the old checkpoint) to send azri's laptop for repair and then met up with badron at yishun...we walked around northpoint and then decided to play LAN. it was fun, except i sucked at it...at least its better than fucking around at home.....

then i met my mom at home then we took a cab to my sister's place in punggol.....me and my mom wanted to camp there for a few days. its been a long time since i spent time with my sis...then yesterday nite, my brother came to my sister's p[lace and said he had a surprise for me
...then he showed me this brand new guitar amplifier and said its mine....wow!! i was shocked...he said i had to take gd care of it coz it costs around 300 bucks...peeeweeet!! and the other gadgets for the guitar cost around the same so total, he bought me 600 bucks worth of guitar gadgets....i was in ....(no words).....

it really brightened my mood coz somethin fucked my mood the other day....i felt like a freakin idiot....i know i am being loved, but i dono if i am needed....people can say they love u, but wat good does it do if they dont need u?? i know who i am and i know my place in tht person's life...i am dissapointed with wat happened...i dont blame anyone, i guess i am just not needed..oh well...fuck it...fuck this damn feeling!! i am tired of being fucked around.....enough....

you know wat reader?? i just need sometime alone...yeah...thts wat i need...or at least be around people who wants me to be around...ahh forget it....i am pissed....maybe i should just be alone for now....yeah...alone is gd...peace...hey when i am not there...i get peace and so everybody gets wat they want....friends or partner?? hmm tough choice...NOT!!! good day....i'll just fuck off now...remember this?? "SUDALAH!!"

just got back from my sister's place, slept there yesterday night after work cause her house is quite near to my work place...this morning...alot of things happened...gave me a real big headache...

anyways....

I miss her...
I miss her eyes...
I miss her smile...
miss her actions...
the way she sneezes....
the way she scolds me for smoking...
the way she grabs my hand as we walked...
miss her smell...
the way she greets me at her door...
the way her mom scolds me for being blurr..
the way baby hugs me...
the way she manje2 when she is sick...
the way she walks...
the way she eats....
the way she looks into my eyes...
the way she kepale batu...

i miss her, i miss her like crazy....
i remembered the first time we met..
her eyes looked into mine...
she smiled, the most magnificient smile i have ever seen...
and she, is the most amazing girl that i have ever met...
missing her is a daily ritual for me...
sounds ridiculous, but i miss her even when i am with her...
complicated? who says love was otherwise....
for me...it doesnt matter how complicated our relationship is,
or the problems we might face...
all that matters is that we face them together...


4 more days to 1 year....to me...its the best one year of my life...cause i got to spend it with her...nabilah binte abdul jalil...i mohamed ihsan bin mohamed...will love and cherish u always...