i feel different....very different...i dont know what it is....but i feel dead. i dont know what being dead feels like but im sure how i feel right now is pretty close to it...

past few days have been shit....yup i do seem ok in my previous post but i left alot of details out...nobody likes the feeling of loving but seeing the other happy with someone else...having given your whole life to her to only find out that ur not even the least important...it hurts the shit out of me...

years and years of love to crumble into a splatter of dust...oh yeah life cannot get any better...im having the time of my life...it is so good that i cant do anything properly....its so good that sometimes i wish im dead....ive learnt a valuable lesson through all this, LOVE SUCK!

nah just kidding, ive learnt that it takes two hands to clap and two hearts to love. yeah it sucks being given false or pretentious love....but u know...i guess its just the story of my life...

went to esplanade on national day to watch the fireworks....apart from the fireworks itself, i gazed at all the sweet couples holdin hands, the guy pointing to the sparkle in the sky. its as though he was pointing at the sparkle of true love he has for his girlfriend. thts sweet and all but imagine me.....heartbroken....pissed off.....dumped.....watching all the sweet couples.....at that point of time....I WISHED I HAD A GUN TO SHOOT MYSELF IN THE EYE...

oh well....story goes on rite?? its not forgetting the past...but i guess its about looking back and trying not to hate it but learn something from it...

chiaoz....

its been two months since i updated....well thts better than 1 year rite...

the topic for today is memories....but before that...a little update from my life's occurences....

well i turned 18....and stupidly enrolled for bike liscence....i suck at riding bikes...cant get it dont know why....anyways my 18th birthday was a blast....not as i hoped for...but it was nice....brothers were there, yi qin, vivien, lina, and my beloved sister bunny(got drunk and puked)....it was real fun.

we headed down to pasir ris park to drink...pls, wat i just told u is top secret...pls dont tell my mother....

ive been slacking alot in school lately, just finished wrapping up projects last week....tonnes of weight off my shoulders. now all i have to worry about is my exams at the end of the month....oh well, guess being a student is a never ending career.

ok now back to topic...."memories"...

have u guys ever been woken up by a dream that was in fact reality from your past? well i was...im not going to say wat sweet memory i dreamt of but it kind of made me sad...

i miss secondary school, all my buddies...and sistas....those were the days when teachers actually care...carrying heavy books on the first day of school, putting them under the desk so that for the rest of the period before exams, u dont have to bring anymore books to school....ah those were the fun days. now everything is about being independent, earning your own money, buying your own stuff, being responsible for your own life....i dont know if im ready for that yet....but i guess life is simply complicated....u will never get what u want, but life somehow gives you wat you need...